SoccerCop Switcheroo
by Cosima-wants-the-D-elphine
Summary: Beth convinces Alison to switch places with her so she can meet Oscar and Gemma among other things.
1. Chapter 1: You Don't Do Passive!

"Shi—Shoot!" Alison jolted awake, immediately sitting up and causing Beth's arm that'd previously been wrapped around her torso to drop. Her head whipped to the side to look at the peacefully-sleeping cop beside her. She took a moment, taking in her surroundings despite knowing exactly what'd happened. Beth rolled onto her back and blinked her eyes open, resting the back of her hand on her forehead. "Beth."

"Shhh..." Beth replied quietly, closing her eyes again and basking in the tranquility of the morning. "I'm sleeping."

"Beth, I'm not supposed to be here," Alison told her, more awake. She panicked, tossing the sheets around and trying to disentangle herself from them as she reiterated her previous statement. "I'm not supposed to be here!"

"Ali, _please_..." Beth mumbled, her voice still full of sleep. "Hush up. I'm exhausted after last—"

Alison clamped her hand over Beth's mouth, cutting her off abruptly as she shot her a warning look. She felt Beth's lips pull into a pleased smile underneath her hand before parting and allowing her tongue to poke out and touch her palm. Alison recoiled and scoldingly exclaimed, "Beth!"

Beth laughed into her pillow, still drowsy, before reluctantly sitting up and scooting closer to Alison, who was wiping her hand off. She wrapped her arms around the suburban woman and rested her head on her shoulder.

"Ali, you _know_ that I love the sound of your voice, but for the love of all that is good in this world..." Beth murmured. "_Please_ be quiet."

"Beth, I never went home last night," Alison told her in an uneasy tone, prying the detective's arms off. Beth's head came off her shoulder as she too, was fully wide awake at Alison's remark.

"Shit!" Beth exclaimed, slamming her fists down on the bed. She threw her covers off and stood up, recovering her side of the bed with the sheets. "Dammit, Ali, I'm sorry..."

"No, no, it's my fault," Alison told her, finally managing to free herself from the sheets as she got out of the bed. "I said I'd lie down for a few minutes. I should've known I'd fall asleep."

"But only because I asked you to," Beth replied. The two women quickly got cleaned up and dressed within fifteen minutes or so. Beth ran a hand through her own hair as she watched Alison slip her socks on. Beth bit her nails and asked, "What're you gonna tell him?"

"Stop that," Alison commanded, giving a dirty look to the nails between Beth's teeth. Beth quickly took her hand away from her mouth and dropped them into her lap. She then decided to cross them to resist temptation. Alison sighed, "I don't know. Maybe I went to bed after him and woke up before him and went somewhere?"

"You're wearing the same clothes as yesterday," Beth pointed out. Just like Beth, always to notice fine details. Alison pulled her ponytail tighter and turned to face Beth.

"I crashed at a friend's?" she tried hopefully.

"Ali..." Beth chided gently. "You know he'll never go for that. That's not like you."

Alison cried out in frustration and admitted, "I don't know what to do then."

"You should stay with me," Beth halfheartedly suggested as she walked over to the distraught woman. She wrapped her arms around her and added, "Forever."

"Beth... I can't do that..."

"I know, I know. Girl can dream though, right?" Beth asked, a slight tone of dejection in her voice as she forced a smile. She released Alison from her hold and followed her downstairs to the kitchen.

"I don't know what to do," Alison moaned, as she stood in the center of the room with her hands on her hips.

"Well, first thing I'd do is call him. Maybe your conversation will lead you somewhere and you'll get an idea," Beth suggested.

"But—"

"No buts. Do it. Call him," Beth told her.

"Fine," Alison sighed in resignation as she used her cellphone to call her husband. "Donnie?"

"Alison?" Donnie asked. Beth could hear him even though the phone wasn't on the speakerphone setting. "Where are you? What happened to you?"

"I, um... I—" Alison stopped as she saw Beth's head hang low and heard soft sobs coming from her direction. The cop's shoulders sagged and only rose when she sharply inhaled between her sobs. Alison's heart sunk. She moved the phone away from her mouth and asked, "Why're you crying? Are you okay?"

"I'm— I'm crying," Beth paused, facing away from her and letting her hair block her face from Alison's view. "Because... Because my name is Abby. And I'm a friend of yours. And my husband is filing for divorce and you were the only person I could call at such an ungodly hour."

Beth whimpered softly as she lifted her head to reveal a smiling face. It took a second for Alison to catch on and realize that Beth was only acting and helping her out. Alison smiled back and rolled her eyes at Beth's cleverness before raising the phone back up to her mouth.

"Hey, I'm back—I'm at my friend Abby's house," Alison told Donnie as she nodded at Beth. She scratched her head and continued talking. "She had a huge blowout with her husband. He's filing for divorce, Donnie. She said I was the only person she could call at such an ungodly hour."

"Divorce? That's rough..." Donnie murmured oblivious to what was really happening. Beth suppressed a laugh as she made her way over to the soccer mom and wrapped her arms around her again.

"Hm? Yeah. Yeah, it is," Alison responded, distracted by Beth's touch. The detective suddenly felt bold and mischievous as she burst into song at a whisper volume.

"Why don't you love me?" Beth half-sang, half-whispered as she took one sliding sideways step away from Alison and threw her hands up in the air. She turned her head dramatically to look at Alison. "Tell me, baby, why don't you love me—"

Alison's eyes were daggers as she threw Beth a warning glare.

"When I make me so damn easy to love..." Beth continued, ignoring Alison's glowering eyes as she brought her hands to her chest and made her features overly-expressive.

Alison put her hand over the phone and moved it away as she hissed, "_Shhh!_"

"And why don't you need me?" Beth sang, her volume only slightly louder as she dropped to her knees and slid over to Alison with begging eyes. "Tell me, baby, why don't you need me when I make me so damn easy to need?"

"Hm? Yeah, I'm listening," Alison had returned to talking to Donnie and trying to ignore Beth.

"I got beauty, I got class! I got style and _I got ass!_" Beth accentuated the last line as she slapped her own ass and threw Alison a jokingly seductive look. Alison rolled her eyes, but Beth was sure she'd seen a smile in there somewhere. She skipped to the next repetition of the chorus, "Why don't you love me? Tell me, _Ali_, why don't you love me when I make me so damn easy to love? And why don't you need me?"

"No, she doesn't know why he's doing it," Alison reported, concentrating on the phone rather than Beth.

"Tell me, _Ali_, why don't you need me when I make me so damn easy to need?"

Beth decided to skip a few more lines, knowing the ones about to come out her mouth would surely get the soccer mom's attention.

"I got _moves_ in your _bedroom_," Beth sang as she got closer to Alison. She lowered her volume and started grinding behind her as she continued, "Keep you happy with the _nasty_ things I do—"

Sure enough, she'd gotten a response out of Alison. The suburban woman whipped around and as she cradled the phone between her ear and her shoulder, she pressed her index finger against Beth's lips in an attempt to silence her. She smiled before opening her mouth and sticking her tongue out to lick Alison's finger playfully, yet sultrily. Her tongue dragged up the finger before she lightly brought her mouth around the finger and sucked it. Beth bit her fingertip gently before sucking it again. Alison sharply drew in a breath before taking her finger back, wiping it off, and giving Beth a dirty look. Beth grinned angelically at her before she began wracking her brain for other songs. She began bending her knees and playing air guitar while rocking out to an imaginary tune in her head.

"I'm so _hot_ for her, I'm so _hot_ for her, I'm so _hot_ for her, and she's so _cold_," Beth sang as she nodded her head to the soundless, fictitious guitar. "I'm so _hot_ for her, I'm on _fire_ for her, I'm so _hot_ for her, and she's so _cold_!"

The detective's long brunette hair whipped through the air as her head moved while she moved closer to Alison, who tried to move away. Beth caught her by the arm and pulled her in, causing the suburban woman to have to stifle a laugh.

"I'm the burning bush, I'm the burning fire, I'm the bleeding volcano!" Beth continued, resting her head on Alison's shoulder. The soccer mom tried to get free, but Beth wasn't letting go.

"Alison? _What_ is going on over there?" Donnie asked. "Is someone _singing_?"

"Ha, um, Abby is... Drunk," Alison lied as she wrenched her arm around Beth's wrist, trying to free herself from her firm grip.

"I'm so _hot_ for her, I'm so _hot_ for her, I'm so _hot_ for her and she's so _cold!_" Beth sang into Alison's hair, happily taking in its scent. By this time, Alison had given up on trying to wriggle free and allowed Beth to cling onto her.

"You know what? Come to think of it, it might be a while," Alison told Donnie as Beth kissed her on the neck and stroked her ponytail. "She's completely lost her mind. _Crazy_, I tell you."

"Got me lookin' so crazy right now, your love's got me lookin' so crazy right now!" Beth changed the song immediately, moving away from Alison to dramatically flip her hair in attempt to mimic Beyoncé. "Got me lookin' so crazy right now, your touch's got me lookin' so crazy right now; got me hopin' you page me right now, your kiss's got me hopin' you save me right now."

Beth strutted over to Alison and stood behind her.

"Yes, yes. Yeah. Mm-hm. Okay, got it," Alison replied to something Beth hadn't heard, but she could tell the woman was in a rush to get off the phone.

"Lookin' so crazy, your love's got me lookin', got me lookin' so crazy your love..." Beth faded off as Alison hung up and shot her the most divided look. On one hand, Alison looked ready to murder her and on the other hand, Alison looked as if she wanted to laugh and join in.

"Beth, you cannot just—"

Beth shut her up with a tender kiss, knowing Alison's little scolding wasn't sincere anyway. Alison had the inability to really get angry at Beth and if and when she did, she could never stay mad.

"Beth, you can't—"

Beth quieted her again with a kiss before looking into her defeated eyes.

"Beth—"

"Shhh..." Beth hushed her gently before giving her a series of small kisses, each one ending with a smile bigger than the last. "You know I love you, right?"

"I love you too," Alison told her. "But don't do that again, Childs."

"Please. That's what Detective Dipshit calls me," Beth responded. Just then, Alison's cellphone started ringing again and as they both peered down at the screen, they saw that the caller was Donnie. Beth grinned devilishly at Alison before breaking into song again. "Hello, hello, baby, you called—I can't hear a thing. I have got no service in the club, you see, see. Wha-Wha-What did you say? Oh, you're breaking up on me. Sorry, I cannot hear you, I'm kinda busy..."

Alison tried to give her a scolding look, but the smile breaking out on her face betrayed her and she shook her head before setting the phone down on the table and joining in.

"K-kinda busy, k-kinda busy. Sorry, I cannot hear you, I'm kinda busy!" Alison chimed, takin Beth's hands and pulling her in. "Just a second,

it's my favorite song they're gonna play—"

"—And I cannot text you with a drink in my hand, eh! You shoulda made some plans with me, you knew that I was free!"

"And now you won't stop calling me; I'm kinda busy!" Alison practically shouted at her phone with a gleeful smile. "Stop callin', stop callin',

I don't wanna think anymore!"

"I left my head and my heart on the dance floor!" Beth piped up.

"Stop callin', stop callin', I don't wanna talk anymore!" Alison interjected.

"I left my head and my heart on the dance floor!" Beth finished with a smile. By then the phone had stopped ringing and everything was relatively peaceful again, both women content with how everything had worked out. Beth led Alison over to the table and motioned for her to sit down. "How about breakfast?"

"Beth..." Alison began. "I love you—"

"Yeah, I thought we just established that—"

"—but you can't cook," Alison finished. She walked over to Beth and had her sit down and took her place near the stove. "For doo-doo."

Beth sighed with a smile, knowing Alison was right and watched her move around the kitchen, gathering things and setting them up as if she were being filmed for a cooking show.

"So, what's got you in such a mood this morning, honey?" Alison asked, greasing a pan. Her eyes looked to Beth's, which had suddenly looked nervous and slightly guilty. "Beth?"

"I was just thinking about things..." Beth confessed, standing up and walking over to Alison as the woman cracked some eggs. "I want to see the kids..."

Beth held her breath, knowing she'd be asking a lot of Alison and waited for a reaction from the soccer mom. Alison discarded the shells and looked at the detective as she washed her hands.

"How do you expect to do that, Beth?" Alison asked, trying to mask her exasperation as she dried her hands. She understood where Beth was coming from, but such a request was ridiculous to her. She set the towel down and waited for Beth's response.

"I don't know..." Beth suggested, trying to keep her tone lighthearted even though she knew Alison would shoot her down. With a determined look she declared, "I'll find a way."

Not soon after, the cop brightened and a smile spread slowly across her face.

"Ali... I've got an idea."

Alison turned to get a better look at her and the huge grin on her face immediately sent Alison into panic mode and she said, "Beth... I don't know what you're thinking, but I don't like it."

"I'll be you!" Beth exclaimed. "I'll be Ali Hendrix for a day."

"Beth—that's never going to work. No. No. Nope, I'm not agreeing to that. Uh-uh," Alison shook her head as her hand went to her face and she cradled her jaw between her thumb and index finger, her other arm wrapped around the front of her own torso as if she were blocking Beth's request.

"C'mon, Ali... It's a good idea. We'll do a little switcheroo! No one will be the wiser."

"No. No. There's no way that's going to work," Alison stated adamantly as she began whisking the eggs. "It's a terrible idea. And I'm not condoning it. No. It's too risky."

"C'mon, Ali... It could work... So what if it's a risk? Don't be such a frickin' wuss!" Beth smirked, hiding her draining confidence in the plan. The cop stared Alison down and she had to admit that Beth looked hot with those begging eyes, but that didn't make her want to agree just yet.

"No. No means no," Alison insisted, crossing her arms. She glared at her, trying to be mad, but the detective wouldn't budge and Alison couldn't be firm with her. Beth reached out, lightly wrapping her right hand around Alison's forearm, and gently pulled her in. She smiled and looked into the suburban woman's soft eyes before tenderly kissing her. Alison draped her arms around Beth's neck, while Beth's wandered to her ass.

"You been doin' squats again, Ali? _Damn_..." Beth murmured in a low, sultry tone as she gave Alison's ass a small squeeze. "Hell, I might just take you right here..."

Beth's hands wandered up Alison's shirt, locating the clasp of her bra almost immediately. Alison chuckled softly just as Beth prepared to unhook the clasp before she responded, "That's not going to change my mind..."

"Ali, please," Beth tried again, her hands sliding out from under the woman's pink shirt. Alison began pouring the eggs into the pan.

"It's still a no."

"C'mon..."

"No."

"There may be perks if you say yes..." Beth flirted, running her hand through her own hair. She threw the woman in pink a dazzling, heart melting smile.

"That's not going to work. I said no," Alison reminded herself aloud, desperately wanting to stop Beth from doing that thing she did—that smiling and flirting. Beth had a way of manipulating people and she did it in the most darling way and made it impossible to say no. Despite this she was smirking, but Beth didn't know why. Beth looked at her questioningly and Alison decided to make a deal.

"So how's Donnie?" Beth asked Alison with a smile, suddenly changing the subject casually as she shoved her hands into her pockets.

"He's... Donnie," Alison replied suspiciously. She hated when Beth asked about him and she wanted to believe that the cop only did it out of courtesy, but her main concern was why she decided to ask right then and there.

"And the kids?" Beth asked, vulnerability washing over her face.

"Beth..." Alison trailed off. Beth had caught her off-guard and if she knew the detective as well as she thought she did, she'd done it intentionally.

"I know, I know... I can't see them. But... How are they?" Beth sounded desperate to know about them. She was too sweet when it came to them. She'd buy them things and have Alison take the credit or have Alison say that a good friend got it for them. Alison could feel herself breaking down under the intensity of Beth's desperate atmosphere, even though she knew Beth had manipulated the situation.

"They're... good, Beth. And Paul?" Alison inquired, desperate to shift the conversation.

"Eh, you know... He's Paul. Same oblivious, snooping Paul," Beth told her with disdain.

"Oh."

Alison thought about what Beth had said and about how she could not see her children. She felt bad, but her reasons were legitimate. They shouldn't be seen together, she knew that. Not to mention she didn't want her children knowing she was a freak, a clone. What would they think? That's why she had to say no. She couldn't let the cop manipulate her this time. Alison tried to shake the thought from her mind, but it ate away at her.

"You'd love them, you know," Alison spoke finally, her voice gentle. "The kids. Oscar's gotten so big... And Gemma's doing well in school. She drew me something the other day in art class—it was a dog. She wants one."

"I do love them," Beth corrected her.

"Beth?" Alison looked at her questioningly.

"You said I _would_ love them, but I already _do_."

Alison's heart surged with sorrow and guilt, but she saw no other way. She knew her children would love her. Beth had a fun atmosphere. She may not show it at work, but Alison saw this side of her and it was a side her children would love. She was a daredevil. She was a goofball. But she was passionate. And the fact that she could love children that weren't hers, children she'd never seen, made all the difference. What's worse, they'd never get to know her like that.

"I know you already said no... But I want to see them. I want to see them, Ali—Oscar and Gemma. I don't know how or when, but I want to see them," Beth told her.

"Beth... You can't... You know that..."

"Just... Think of something to tell them. Tell 'em I'm your twin."

"They've seen my family. They know I don't have a twin."

"Long lost twin?"

"Unlikely. Besides... Donnie..."

"What about him?"

"I don't know... I don't want him seeing you," Alison admitted, reaching out and tucking a strand of Beth's hair behind her ear.

"Why's that?"

Alison didn't have an answer. She didn't know. She just knew she felt uncomfortable with the idea of Donnie and Beth in the same vicinity. Silence from Alison.

"Ali, that silence doesn't change anything. I want to see them," Beth insisted.

"You can't."

"Ali, please—"

"No."

"Ali..." Beth took her gently by the arm and slid her hand down to her wrist. "Please. I want to see them. That wouldn't be _amazing_ for me to see them?"

"It would be amazing, but it- it's just not a good idea."

"It's the only way."

"That doesn't mean it should be done."

"Ali..."

Beth gave her pleading puppy eyes, her ultimate clincher, and Alison crossed her arms as if she were trying to barricade herself from its adorability. It didn't work. Alison slowly melted and before she knew it, she agreed.

"_Okay_. _Fine_—"

Beth's face lit up and she broke out into a huge smile as she squeezed Alison in a huge embrace.

"But _please_ don't blow our cover."

"Blow our cover? And how the hell would I manage to do that?" Beth asked defensively.

"Well, for one thing, you don't know the first thing about being me."

"And how do you know that?"

"Just look at you."

In perspective, Beth wore black and grey while Alison wore pink and white. Beth chuckled amusedly as she took in the color scheme difference. Alison's statement held true, but Beth had reached a point where she would willingly go against her 'No pink' motto just to see Oscar and Gemma up close.

"Okay. So what? Wardrobe is a little thing. I can fix that. Just lend me some clothes and that'll be that," Beth shrugged.

"And that's another thing. Your speech pattern and attitude. I don't do... _that_."

"What?"

"Swear. Or sass."

"Sass?"

"Yes! Sass! That... _thing_. That thing you do," Alison nodded vigorously.

"What, bitch people out occasionally?"

"Yes."

"Okay. No prob. I'll refrain from swearing and be passive. No biggie."

"Yes, biggie! You don't do passive! You probably don't even know what passive is!" Alison exclaimed. Beth had to be one of the most confrontational people she knew, besides Aynsley. She rolled her eyes at the thought of Aynsley. That woman, the neighborhood snoop. She swore she could just wring her neck sometimes.

"Yeah I do. Look, you already agreed. How cruel would that be of you if you went back on your word?" Beth reasoned.

"Cruel..." Alison admitted with a sigh. Beth had won. Just like Alison knew she would. Debates with her were impossible. Not necessarily because she was stubborn—but the soccer mom was sure that had to be a crucial contribution as well—but because she had charisma and could charm her way into or out of anything. "Fine. When can you do it?"

"Any day. I've got plenty of sick days."

"Feel like carting them around on the weekend, maybe? That'd probably be most convenient for you," Alison thought aloud. She slid her hand down her ponytail before crossing her arms.

"For me or for you? C'mon, Ali. I mean a _weekday_."

"A weekday!? Why?" Alison asked.

"So I can see them how they are most days. School-bound. Coming home. Homework. All that jazz," Beth admitted sheepishly.

"You really are sentimental, aren't you?" Alison smiled softly. She gazed adoringly at the detective, who usually had a tough disposition. That was the thing about Beth. She was a complete hardass, but as soon as it came to Alison—or anything related for that matter—she was complete mush.

"Shut up..." Beth smiled and looked down. Alison had her pinned exactly and for some reason, she was fine with it. She was fine with herself being exposed in front of Alison. It was good to let her guard down every once in a while and Alison made this possible for her.

"Well, this week's no good, but I can give you this Saturday for now... That's the one day they don't have anything to do."

"Saturday's fine, I guess—does that mean there'll be a next time?" Bth asked hopefully, raising an eyebrow at Alison. Alison pursed her lips, trying to keep back a smile, knowing she was caught. "Alright, alright. I won't push it."

"You _charming_, _pompous_, _manipulative_ little—"

Beth cut Alison's playful insults off with a quick kiss and replied, "I love you, Ali. I love you, I love you, I love you. I love you."

"See you then—oh and don't—and I mean _don't_— make me regret this," Alison responded, rolling her eyes lightheartedly at Beth's outburst of affection and gratitude.

"I won't," Beth promised. "I promise."


	2. Chapter 2: Black is Saved for Funerals

"Ali, _why?_" Beth sighed forcefully as she pulled at her sweater. Alison smirked at her exasperation.

"Why what?" the suburban woman asked innocently. She eyed Beth's brightened features. The woman looked so much cheerier in pink rather than her usual storm colors.

"Why the _fuck_ must you wear so much _pink?_ C'mon, Ali, I _know_ you must have some other colors..."

"Well. I have purple. And white. Occasionally yellow... Besides, you look darling."

"No black?"

Alison cleared her throat once and replied, "Black is saved for funerals."

Beth continued to grumble incoherently as Alison took a lint brush to her. She lifted her arms so she could get her sides and rolled her eyes. She hated pink and Alison knew that. She was sure the soccer mom had purposely picked the sweater out for her.

'_I wouldn't be caught dead in pink_,' Beth had always said. '_Hell, I'd never be caught dead near pink!_'

"Gross," Beth muttered, milking her pink-despising misery.

"Gross?" Alison asked, playing along.

"Yeah, gross," Beth replied, giving her a quick kiss on the lips.

"Okay," Alison chuckled. Beth liked to hear her laugh. It wasn't something Alison did often. But when she did, Beth felt like the world lit up. "Alright, you're set. You can go."

Beth walked to the window and peered outside and saw a minivan parked outside. She sighed, rolled her eyes, then turned to look at Alison.

"You brought the minivan?" Beth asked in disdain. Her features crinkled at the sight of it. "It's like a frickin' boat!"

"It's a _safe_ boat," Alison protested. Beth sighed again before trying to update her on her own life.

"Okay. Paul is out for the weekend, I—"

"Why?" Alison inquired, interrupting the cop. Her sincere concern was adorable.

"Because..." Beth replied. She'd been getting to that before Alison interrupted. "I started some shit with him the other day. On purpose, of course. Just somethin' stupid about how he doesn't put the seat down or somethin'. It was a really small thing, to be honest..."

"Beth, you didn't—"

"But, I must warn you that Paul has a habit of showing up out of the blue, off schedule—he promised to be back on Monday, but he also might come back earlier than that. I don't know why the hell he's like that, but he is."

"Beth!"

"Just... stay cold."

"Cold?"

"Yes. Cold. Distant. And be pissed off. And don't forget to swear," Beth told her.

"Beth, I don't like to swear. It's not nice. I think you can get your point across using kind, persuasive language. Such as 'I strongly feel...' or use 'I' messages!"

"'I' messages?"

"I feel blank when you blank because blank. I would prefer it if you didn't blank," Alison told her, clearly reciting something scripted. Beth scoffed.

"Fuck that," she said. "I don't do that."

"Beth! You _kiss_ me with that mouth!"

"That's not the only thing I do with this mouth," Beth smirked, pulling her in for a long, sweet kiss. She bit her lip for a second before pointing to the woman's pastel shirt and ordering, "Oh—and change out of that—preferably burn it."

"Fine," Alison sighed, shaking her head and smiling. "Now go. You're late."

"Late? Already? For what?" Beth asked, confused.

"For Gemma's tea party. I promised to be there. And you wouldn't be late if you'd been more cooperative with getting into that sweater."

Beth huffed again before moving toward the door with Alison trailing behind her. The cop turned and tenderly kissed her once more, cupping Alison's face in her hands.

"Thank you," Beth whispered. She stroked her cheek once before exiting completely and leaving Alison standing in the doorway. She kept her hand on her necklace as she watched Beth leave before going back inside.


	3. Chapter 3: Your Mom is So Cool

"Alison? Where have you been?" Donnie asked, clearly flustered as Beth walked in the door. "Gemma's been asking me where you went and I didn't know. What were you doing?"

"Listen here, you d—," Beth started angrily before cutting herself off. That was not Alison. She cooled herself down and tried again. "I was out."

"No kidding! Where?"

"I... needed to put gas in the van," Beth lied. She hoped he wouldn't check the gas gauge. "It's a gas-guzzler you know, _honey?_"

She could already tell she would hate calling him that. Donnie let out a heavy sigh before pointing up the stairs.

"Well, go on then. She's waiting for you."

"Right! Right," Beth nodded as she headed hesitantly up the stairs. She'd only ever known her way around the living room. She'd never seen the upstairs. She faltered as she got to the top of the stairs, partially because she didn't know where she was going and partially because she was nervous about meeting Gemma. She went to the right and Donnie's voice pierced her thoughts.

"Alison, where are you going? Gemma is in her room!"

Beth peered down at Donnie. She suddenly wanted to hurtle herself toward him, drag him up the stairs and push him down. His words caused her to figure out that she'd probably been going the wrong way.

"Yeah, sorry," she apologized sweetly. "I just... wanted to take my socks off."

Donnie raised his eyebrows before disappearing out of sight. She let out a sigh of relief and wondered how the hell Alison could live with him. She retraced her steps and went in the opposite direction. The door was slightly ajar and she carefully pushed it open. There sat a little girl, only about seven or eight and she was waiting. Beth noticed the absence of a tea set. She tried to directly address the girl by her name, but it caught in her throat. She was finally meeting her, finally seeing her face to face.

"G-Gemma..." Beth uttered. She tried to recompose herself. "Gemma, honey, I thought we had a tea party planned."

"We did," the little girl replied. "But not anymore. I decided I didn't wanna do that."

"Oh? Okay... Well, what is it you'd like to do?"

"Well... I think it's a good day for a family day so I was wondering if we could all do something instead of just me and you," Gemma requested. Beth nodded as she sat next to Alison's daughter.

"Sure."

"Okay. You go get Oscar and daddy and we can figure out something to do!" Gemma excitedly told her, jumping up as Beth had gone to touch her hair. Beth's hand went back to her lap as Gemma bounded out of the room. The room suited her perfectly. She had the same color preferences as Alison, from what she could see. Various shades of pink and purple everywhere with a splash of white here or there. She would've stayed there longer, but she remembered that she had to go get Oscar.

"Goddammit, Beth, think! Where's your wit gone?" Beth murmured to herself. "Where the fuck would Oscar be?"

"Alison?" Donnie asked, it was only then when she heard him coming up the stairs. "Alison, are you talking to yourself?"

"Uh, yeah... What, you- you don't do that?"

"No? And Oscar is at his friend's house, remember?"

"Oh, right! Right..." Beth nodded as if she understood. She stood up and as she went to push past Donnie, he grabbed her by her wrist. She suppressed the urge to rip her arm away from him and instead let it hang limp in his hand.

"Alison."

"Yeah?"

"Are you drinking again?"

"No! No... I'm just... a bit frazzled today, that's all," Beth replied, subtly taking her hand back. She figured she'd let it stay there long enough.

"I promised the Norris' I'd pick their son up from soccer. I'm taking the van, okay? I'll be back soon—try to hold the fort down until then," Donnie told her as he went to go downstairs.

"Yeah—just one thing," Beth said, stopping him.

"What's that?"

"Which house is Oscar at? I... forgot."

"Uh, I don't remember their name. The people who just moved in a few houses down," Donnie answered. "Remember?"

"Yes, I remember," Beth replied through gritted teeth. She was losing her patience. She covered for herself and added, "I just... didn't want to be embarrassed by not knowing their name. I thought maybe you knew."

"No, it's something weird. But he's just down the street."

"Alright, I'm going to go get him."

"Why? You're supposed to go by at two. It's only noon."

"Gemma said she wanted a family day. She included Oscar in that, so... I'm going to go get him."

"Alright. Be careful of their dog," Donnie warned before going downstairs. She faltered at the top of the stairs and listened to him put his shoes on. "Bye, honey!"

"Bye!" Beth called, trying not to sound too enthusiastic about his departure. She hurried downstairs and looked for Gemma. "Gemma?"

"Yeah, Mommy?" Gemma called. The way she said 'Mommy' made Beth's heart melt. Her tone sounded of love and innocence. The cop followed her voice and found the little girl sitting in the kitchen with two dolls and playing on the table.

"Uh, come get Oscar with me," Beth requested.

"Why?"

"Uh, because... Because we should take a walk together."

"You don't know where the house is, do you?" Gemma asked without even looking up.

"No... that's not my reason... Um, they have a dog," Beth tried. Gemma looked up, clearly interested. Beth relaxed a bit, knowing she'd gotten her attention.

"They do?"

"Uh, yeah! Don't you want to see it?" Beth asked, hoping Donnie had been joking about the dog. Truth was that she didn't know where the house was and Gemma's assumption had been correct.

"Yeah!" Gemma exclaimed as she jumped up to go with Beth. She put her own shoes on in the blink of an eye and grabbed Beth's hand and started pulling her toward the door.

"Whoa there, kiddo!" Beth told her as the girl practically yanked her out the door. Once they got outside, Gemma continued holding her hand and Beth pretended not to think much of it, but it truly was an experience the way her small hand felt engulfed by her own.

"What kind of dog, Mom?" Gemma asked, looking up at Beth.

"Uh... It's- it's a surprise!" Beth told her, smiling down at her. They passed about three houses before Beth felt Gemma begin to turn right. She turned right with her. "Okay, Gem. We're here."

"_Gem?_" Gemma asked, scrunching her nose up at the new name.

"What?" Beth asked. She almost slapped herself. Of course. Alison probably never called her that. She tried to cover. "Uh, yeah. Gem. Because you're precious like a gem."

"I like it!" Gemma told her, satisfied with her answer. Beth kept a smile to herself as they approached the door. Beth knocked, three times, each evenly spaced just as Alison always did on her door whenever she came by. A few moments passed before a woman came to the door. The woman had red hair and a pale complexion, but her features were striking. Beth took in a breath at the sight of her.

"Hi. Be—Alison," Beth stated, sticking her hand out for a shake. The woman stared at her hand as if it were a foreign object before taking it with her own and giving it a weak shake.

"Claire," the woman offered a small smile. "We met. Yesterday."

"Right. Right. I know. I just... wanted it to be more personal."

"Okay... Well, Oscar's just around back with Jacob. C'mon in. Good to see you, Gemma," the woman smiled down at her as if she'd only noticed her then. She led them through the house straight to the back where Beth saw Oscar and another boy playing with fake guns. Beth instantly felt uncomfortable watching them with the guns.

"Oscar! Oscar, honey..." she began. Oscar instantly dropped the toy gun with a look of panic in his eyes. He felt he was in trouble.

"Mom!" he blurted. Jacob seized the moment to shoot at him and hit him in the arm. "I know you don't like it when I play with guns. I'm sorry. Please don't ground me. It just looked so fun and—"

"Oscar, Oscar, hey... Hey... It's okay. I was just going to tell you that that's not how you hold a gun for optimum shooting," Beth told him before he'd finished his ramble. She'd barely heard what he said. She went over to him, squatted to pick up the gun and she held it just as she'd learned back when she was training to be a cop. "Like this."

She handed it back to Oscar, who took it from her with wide eyes, wondering when his mother had had a change of heart and when she'd learned how to shoot a gun.

"Go on, try it," Beth encouraged him. He copied her stance. "Okay. Steady it. You got it? Okay, good. Now... _Fire!_"

Oscar pulled the plastic trigger and shot Jacob square in the chest, who in response, dramatically clutched his chest and fell to the ground, pretending to die.

"That was _awesome!_" Oscar yelled at the top of his lungs. He pumped his fist and jumped around. Beth smiled at him, proud that she'd taught him something.

"Your mom is so cool," Jacob exclaimed as he stood back up, grass stains on his knees. "I take back everything I said."

Beth almost shot him a look, but decided not to. She could see how Alison appeared to other people and couldn't fault him for his assumption. But she loved her just the same. She'd have to have a talk with Alison about her restriction of toy guns with her son.

"Oscar, Gemma wanted to have a family day," Beth informed him. "I came a couple hours early, I hope you don't mind."

Oscar shook his head and said goodbye to his friend as he bounded over to his newly dubbed 'cool' mom. The three of them walked to an empty house and Beth relaxed in Donnie's absence.

"Gemma, I'm sorry you didn't get to see their dog," Beth apologized, feeling as though she'd lied to her yet again.

"It's okay," Gemma told her, seemingly unfazed.

"Okay, so what do both of you want to do?"

"Braid my hair!" Gemma suggested. Oscar scrunched his face up.

"No, we should play video games," he countered.

"No, braid!"

"No, video games!"

"_Braid!_"

"_Video games!_"

Beth didn't know how to braid. Not well, anyway. But she didn't want to let Gemma down. But she also didn't want to let Oscar down. Beth suddenly felt stressed and overwhelmed. If there was anything that seemed to run in their genetic lineage, it was the inability to deal with stress—at least, not without doing something irrational.

"How about we... find compromise?" Beth suggested in a strained voice. Her head was spinning. She could handle one kid at a time. She could handle strangers. She couldn't, however, handle two different kids wanting two different things at the same time or the pressure of wanting to keep both happy. She wanted to give them everything they wanted and more. She didn't know how to be a mother. Why did she ever think this was a good idea? The whole thing was a learning process. Why did she think she could just jump into it and be a perfect mom in one day?

"Mom's stressed," Oscar murmured to Gemma as he stared up at the cop. Beth, in her distracted state did not hear him, his intent exactly.

"Yeah," Gemma whispered back. She spoke louder. And looked to Beth. "How about we play outside?"

"Yeah, I'm okay with that," Oscar replied, matching her tone.

"Outside," Beth sighed, finally bringing herself back to the matter at hand. "I can do that. What do you want to do outside?"

"We could play tag," Gemma suggested. Oscar had a look on his face that made it obvious he didn't want to, but when Beth turned to look at him, he wiped it off.

"Sure!" he agreed. "But we can't for too long. Britney Scott is having a birthday party today—Gemma and I were invited."

"A birthday party for Britney Scott..." Beth sighed, getting frustrated that Alison hadn't told her any of this. She ran a hand through her hair.

"Yeah. Did you forget?" Gemma asked. "You could always look at the whiteboard."

"Right, the whiteboard," Beth repeated, remembering that Alison had a whiteboard for planning. The suburban woman had mentioned it before. Beth scolded herself for not remembering.

"Let's go play tag!" Gemma exclaimed, running outside with Oscar on her heels. Beth looked up at the ceiling of the kitchen as if pleading for help before jogging outside to join the children.


	4. Chapter 4: Well, I'm Not a Botanist

"Fuck," Beth muttered under her breath. She'd brought the kids inside and had them wash up—they'd gotten grass stains from an intense game of tag—and she was facing the predicament of not knowing who the hell Britney Scott was or where she lived.

"Alison?" Donnie asked, his eyes wide with disbelief. Beth couldn't think of a save for saying that word. Alison would never say that, even when they had sex, she rarely ever said that word.

"Me," Beth reluctantly added, suppressing a grimace. "Later. Maybe. If I'm up to it. Probably not. I mean—just ask first, okay? And don't force me."

"Okay?" Donnie replied unsure of what was wrong with his 'wife.' "Look, we have to go."

"Yeah. Yeah, you're right. We should go," Beth nodded sullenly and ran a hand through her hair. She wet her lips, looked at the ceiling for the umpteenth time that day, and called the kids.

"Here," Donnie stated as he tossed her the keys. She caught the keyring with ease and Donnie wore a surprised expression, as Alison didn't typically catch it whenever he threw it to her. "You start the car, I'll go get the kids. Good catch, by the way. You usually don't catch those."

"Fuck you," Beth murmured once she held certain the man was out of earshot. She suddenly panicked after realizing that her holding the keys probably meant she'd be driving—to a house she had no idea of its location. She had no idea who this Britney Scott was and she didn't know where she lived. "Fuck."

She took out her cellphone and dialed her apartment's landline with a blocked number. She waited and waited for someone to pick up and after three wings, someone picked up.

"Hello?" Paul's voice answered and Beth froze. She was stuck.

"Shit," she whispered, inaudible to the person on the other end. She abruptly hung up. "Shit, shit, shit."

She tried Alison's number as she went out to the van, her heart pounding.

"Beth? Beth, did you just—" Alison's anxious voice sounded scratchy, as if she'd been yelling. Beth worried and wondered what'd happened to make her sound like that.

"Yes, yes, I did. Where are you? Is Paul around?"

"I told him I needed to go out to take a breather—no he's not around. He's at the apartment. What's up?"

"Ali, I am so sorry that that happened... Ali, are you okay? Did you guys have a fight? Are you _okay? _Ali, did he do anything to you? _Ali?_"

"Beth, if you'd let me talk, I could answer," Alison told her gently. She took a deep breath before continuing. "No, he didn't do anything. He just raised his voice at me, no biggie—"

"I'm gonna give him hell for that!" Beth spat.

"I'm fine, Beth, really. Don't worry," Alison assured her softly. "Now what's up with you?"

"I don't know where Britney Scott lives... She's having a birthday party, I guess? I'm supposed to be driving and—" Beth stopped as she saw Donnie and the children emerge from the house. "Shit."

"What?"

"They're coming. Quick, Ali, I need directions!" Beth hissed.

"Look, just stay on the phone with me," Alison instructed. "They don't have to know who you're talking to."

"Okay."

"Deep breath."

"Alison... Don't be trying any yoga crap on me—"

"I was kidding, I know you don't do that."

"And I know you hate yoga. Geez, Ali... I've really gotten myself into some deep sh—"

Beth cut herself off as Donnie opened the car door and had the kids get in before he went to the passenger side and sat down. She ran her hand through her hair as she waited for everyone to put on their seat belts. Alison heard him close the door and figured out why Beth had stopped talking so abruptly.

"Okay, so take a left out of the driveway," Alison whispered, despite not really having a reason to. Beth did just that.

"Alison, who are you talking to?" Donnie asked.

Beth grew tired of Donnie's relentless questions, so she ignored him.

"Alison?"

"Just, uh... My um... Claire. I'm talking to Claire."

"Claire's in the car with you?" Alison inquired. Beth could hear the confusion.

"Why?" Donnie asked.

"No," Beth told Alison.

"No?" Donnie asked. Now he was confused.

"No to me or no to Claire?" Alison asked.

"No, she's not with me," Beth clarified Alison.

"Alison, what are you talking about?" Donnie asked frustratedly.

"Then who is that?"

"Donnie."

"Alison, you're _clearly_ not talking about me," Donnie remarked.

"Whatever. When you get to the end of the street, go right."

"I know, I know," Beth replied to Donnie forcefully as she turned right.

"I thought you needed instructions?" Alison asked. Alison let out an exasperated sigh.

"Alison, listen to yourself—you're not making any sense!" Donnie exclaimed.

"I do!" Beth replied to Alison.

"Alison!" Donnie shouted.

"Donnie! You—" Beth stopped herself from yelling, breathed and calmed her tone. "I feel upset right now because you are rudely interrupting my phone conversation, Donnie. I would prefer it if you saved your questions until after I am through with talking."

She heard Alison squealing on the other end of the phone and rolled her eyes, knowing exactly what she was going to say.

"See, Beth? That's all there is to it. Wasn't that so much better than swearing? Just saying how you feel?"

"You wanna know how I _feel?_ I feel like I wanna—" Beth stopped as she eyed the gawking Donnie. "I'll tell you later."

"Do you see a school zone sign?" Alison asked.

"Yeah."

"You take the second left and then a quick right. The house is beige," Alison informed her.

"Thanks..." Beth answered, taking the left.

"Alison, you're speeding," Donnie commented nervously. Beth gave him the evil eye.

"Phone, _Donnie_," she reminded him coolly as she turned right. Donnie shut up. She noted two houses, similar in color.

"Two beige," Beth breathed into the phone, hoping Donnie didn't hear her. He did.

"Too beige? I liked the color when they got it done," Donnie remarked. He had heard. "They had an ugly cream color before.

"What? No, there's only one beige house," Alison hissed to Beth. "One's tan."

"Like I can tell the difference," Beth hissed back. Of course Alison would know the difference.

"You can. Cream is more off-white, beige is more... yellowy-tan," Donnie answered. Beth rolled her eyes and ignored him.

"It has an American flag," Alison told her. "Seriously, Beth? It's _tan_ and _beige!_"

"They both have one!" Beth replied, ignoring the statement about the colors. They looked the same to her. Alison cried out in frustration.

"They have a _magnolia!_"

"What the f—" Beth stopped the curse word. "What?"

"You don't know what that is, do you...?"

"Well, I'm not a botanist."

"Alison, can you just pull into their driveway already?" Donnie urged. "We're going to look stupid."

"It's a tree, not a plant!"

"Who the hell cares?"

"Alison!" Donnie snapped. Silence. Silence from Alison, silence from Beth, silence from the kids. Beth cringed inwardly at herself. Donnie took in a deep breath. "Alison, just park here on the road. We'll walk up the driveway."

"Fine," Beth sighed as she parked and cut the engine. This was too much.

"Did you find it?" Alison asked finally.

"Yeah..."

Donnie and the kids got out as Beth did and they shut their doors and started up the driveway. Donnie looked back and saw that that 'Alison' had hung behind.

"I'll catch up with you," Beth called. She went back to talking to Alison. "Ali, I miss you like crazy! Donnie is such an—"

"I miss you too, Beth," Alison told her sincerely, cutting her off.

"Okay. Be careful, Ali," Beth told her, worried about how she might fare with Paul. She knew he could be pretty mean sometimes and she hated risking exposing Alison to that.

"I will, Beth," she promised solemnly. She kept her tone gentle, knowing it would soothe her impersonator.

"I love you, Ali."

"I love you too, Beth."

"Hey, Ali?"

"Yeah, Beth?"

"They're adorable."

"I know," Alison replied. Beth could hear the smile on her face. She could just picture her fiddling with the necklace around her neck. Sure, she'd put Beth's clothes on, but she'd refused to take the necklace off. That's just how she was.

"Everything I imagined and more," Beth went on.

"They really are something," Alison agreed.

"I gotta go," Beth told her softly.

"Okay... Bye," Alison said reluctantly. Beth waited for Alison to hang up first, as she always did, before she slipped her phone into her pocket and walking up the driveway. She was greeted by an enthusiastic woman and a bear hug.


End file.
